What is Independence?

(5 Min Read)

Independence - a word so powerful and meaningful that our biggest national holiday celebrating our history is named for it. But what does it mean? What does it truly entail to have independence and actually leverage it for the best possible outcomes? And just how individualized and segregated is it?

It seems to me that being independent means far more than simply stepping out from under the control of another. I see it as a first notion in accepting accountability and a solid avenue towards unity. 

At a fairly young age I started hearing people referring to me as a “very independent child” - code for “she doesn’t make friends very well”. Because I was often seen playing and practicing things on my own while being excluded by other kids, it was assumed that I self-isolated because I simply didn’t have the same interests as the other kids.

That sentiment only fortified during the third grade when I started to find my voice and use it against the injustices I saw in front of me each day. What no one ever seemed to see was just how desperately I wanted that connection - that comradery - with my peers.

I wasn’t exemplifying independence. I was experiencing early development as a neurodivergent child trying to make sense of this world which could not make sense of me.

While I was off on my own on the other side of the room or playground, I was keeping myself safe from ridicule while observing and trying to understand what it was that I was missing in social interactions.

And when I started to speak up, I felt as though I was doing it for all of us, even when it wasn’t received that way. I mean, assigned computer time during recess is an important thing to honor, even if there is a substitute teacher that day. Just saying. 

As I grew through adolescence, I began coming to terms with the fact that for me independence wasn’t a choice; it was the only path available. My choice then was how I was going to walk that path.

On the one hand, I could have said, “f*ck it, who needs them anyway” and let myself sink away from the world.

On the other, I could say, “f*ck it, I like being different and I know I’m not the only one” and then press forward to find my people. In high school I chose option A because that was genuine hell. But in life, I chose option B.

Option B is by far the harder road as it means that I must consistently come up against my own differences with society around me and find ways to navigate all of that in some kind of successful manner.

It means being okay with being both loved and hated for all of the wrong and sometimes right reasons. It means being routinely misunderstood regardless of my clarity.

It means being seen in a different light than most of my peers, sometimes good, sometimes bad. It means countless hours of solo processing and problem solving for some of the most basic and complex things.

It means facing challenges, triumphs, and failures largely alone. It means getting to know myself on a very deep level in every possible way, far more than I’ve come to realize the average person will do.

It means being exhausted by every interaction and needing downtime to absorb the experience and recover for the next. It means constantly being aware of existence and taking on a full time job of experiencing and understanding that existence.

And most of all, it means experiencing empathy for others in such a strong way that I’m often accused of being too forgiving. I’m still not sure if there is such a thing.

The thing is, when the people around you recognize your strength that has been developed through years of working in solitude and they witness your resilience in times that would likely make them crumble, there seems to be almost some sort of internalized notion within them which sees you as not needing support.

It becomes very lonely despite the people I support and work with. This was one of the biggest driving forces behind me wanting to start a leadership peer support space - because I know that there are many, many others who experience this kind of isolation. Because we too need a space to be able to talk about just how exhausted and lonely we are. 

I’d like to challenge what it is you might think of as being independent.

Does it only look like someone like me who challenges the status quo and lives in my own authenticity, never simply following the mainstream? Or is it something more than that?

I’ve been on the outside looking in my entire life, and I can tell you that there is a large difference between being alone and being independent. 

Independence first starts with personal accountability. One must first understand their own objective truths and place in the world and then own it.

You cannot say you are independent if you don’t first hold yourself accountable to your own values, beliefs, and independent thoughts.

Collecting information, critical thinking, and reasoning with your own views fosters this independent identity and gives motivation and agency to new actions.

At the end of the day, independence is assuring that your actions align with your personal values and beliefs. Assurance cannot be gained blindly or assumed by the word of another.

How does it look to hold ourselves accountable for choosing the right actions if we do not first do our due diligence in gaining all the information needed to make informed choices? Weak, at best. Totally misaligned and harmful at worst. 

Something of a by-product of informed independency, a sense of communal obligation and belonging begins to form, and this is where unity becomes part of the equation.

As we practice and begin to master informed critical independent thinking, a yearning to collaborate with others doing the same thing starts to come up from the depths. There becomes a desire to talk about things and a motivation to act on those things.

But most importantly, there becomes a new exchange of ideas and perspectives, fostering better informed thinking, engagement, and human connection. This is where we grow and form deep bonds that endure time and conflict. 

When we come to the table as curious independent thinkers, we allow ourselves the freedom to explore new ideas and possibilities. In this, we also make room for others to show up as their authentic selves.

We all want to fit into the community somewhere. That is a part of the human condition, and it is why we are often so willing to follow the crowd. Safety in numbers.

But what happens when the collective crowd is running scared right for the edge of a cliff? The safety is gone. However, if someone is able to call out, “Hey! Run this way! That way goes off a cliff but this way goes to safety!” it instantly gives agency to the individuals in the crowd to make their own choice.

It opens the door to independent critical thinking and permission to follow one’s own heart. That’s clearly an extreme metaphor, but I think you get what I mean. 

Having a certain set of beliefs and ways of living and keeping it all to yourself is fine, but it is simply being alone in your own authenticity.

Independency is living that authenticity as a part of this world and granting that same kind of autonomy to all others around you. It means following through on your principles and using your voice.

It means all the little actions each day that lend to your values, like picking up random trash on the street rather than walking past and pretending you didn’t see it. It means living by example and not backing down.

Most of all, it means empathy for others, respect of choice, and reverence for the unknown. And it is absolutely liberating! 

Raw thoughts. Real talk. No filter, no fluff.

Drop by anytime—no perfection here, just honest musings and a little chaos.